I am a diehard paper calendar writer-inner.
I have one at home with personal stuff: days bills need to be paid, coffee outings, doctors appointments and such.
And I have one at work where each little box for each little day is filled with penciled-in appointments: county commission meetings, interviews with the mayor, moments to bang my head against my cubicle wall in exasperation and such.
I never write work stuff in my calendar at home because I prefer to keep work at work. I'm happier when I do that, although I must admit, it's not always easy.
I have found over the last few months, however, that "home" stuff has been written on my work calendar. Etched between meetings, interviews and head bangings are things like, "Bridal shower!" and "ONE MONTH!"
That one's coming up on Wednesday. ONE MONTH! On June 14, our wedding day, I think I actually wrote something nonchalant like, "Get married." And then there's this happy line drawn all the way through the next week, over various city and county meetings I won't be at, with the word "Honeymoon!" printed giddily over the line.
I digress. ONE MONTH!
My stomach does this odd half flip when I say it. One month? How is it even possible? How did it come so fast? How am I ever going to be ready to get married? How am I ever going to make it that long?!
I am super, duper, way beyond stoked to get married...in 32 days, 14 hours, 8 minutes and 53 seconds...50 seconds...48 seconds...
And I am super, duper, deer-in-the-headlights about getting married, even though we've done our premarital counseling, and we both have incredible examples of loving marriages in our parents, and I've read lots of books.
How do I prepare for this? Is it even possible?
How do I pick up a new last name after carrying mine for almost 33 years? I've practiced writing my new name about a thousand times (it's delightfully curly), but it's still a wonderfully odd thought to me to just become a new name and a new role - wife! - in about 30 minutes flat.
Not changing my name is not an option. I WANT to change it; I'm just processing. Too much, probably.
I want to change my name. I GET to change my name! I am getting married - MARRIED! - to a man who loves God and loves me and makes life so much better. I pray I can bring him joy and delight and encouragement every day with my love. I hope we learn to love selflessly, unconditionally, honestly, daily.
I hope we...we, us, together...there is no loss in marriage. I do not lose me or my experiences because I change my name. I lose nothing, and I gain a precious gift, undeserved.
How do I prepare for this? I don't, I suppose. I've read my books and planned my move into his apartment after the wedding. I've thought my thoughts. I've dreamed. I've got a dress and shoes and tickets to our honeymoon.
I love him. He loves me. We love God. That will do.
And, hey!, I get a really great new name, an honorable name...in 32 days, 13 hours, 34 minutes and 14 seconds...how am I ever going to make it that long!?
Photo courtesy Homespun Photography by Teresa
