Tidbits

Random observations:

My dirty dishes get done more often when I take time to put away the clean dishes in the dish rack.

I am more of a people pleaser than I ever realized. I hate letting people down or feeling like someone thinks less of me. I have a really hard time letting go of mistakes that make me look bad. This is a pride issue, and I've been taking it to God in prayer.

Seeing the flowers on the table that my fiance brought me is a highlight many times in a day.

I don't miss caffeinated coffee in the afternoon as much as I thought I would. Decaf Americanos do just fine for me.

I am quicker to judge than I thought I was. God help me see with your eyes and love with your love.

I feel better when I drink two glasses of water in the morning when I wake up.
 

Wow your guests

First, a confession.

A couple weeks ago, I was at the grocery store buying yogurt, cereal and bananas. You  know, the standard working woman's fare for a woman who lives alone and considers cereal with a dessert of a different kind of cereal a balanced meal. (Ah, how life will change come June when I am a married woman with a husband for whom to cook!)

Anyway, the confession. The bananas are rather close to the magazine section in my nearest grocery store, so I meandered casually over and picked up a TIME magazine. But I didn't really look at it. It was a ruse. I then set TIME back in its slot and reached for...a bridal magazine.

Believe me, in that time when Justin and I had looked at rings but he hadn't yet proposed, I had wanted to look at those bridal magazines so badly. But, I just felt too self conscious doing so without a ring on my finger. It seemed presumptuous, and I worried I'd look a little sad and sorry flipping wistfully through a magazine full of wedding dresses without that reason sparkling on my hand.

So, I refrained.

But now, I held the magazine so that diamond and that gold band would be visible and started to leaf through the pages.

Thick and glossy, those pages were painted fairy-tale white. Yards of satin and tulle, glistening with sequins like dew on a white rose, made me squeal very, very, very quietly. Page after page cooed to that little girl inside every woman who dreams of twirling beneath a starry sky with her Prince Charming...in yards of satin and tulle so long and lavish no eye in the room can look at anyone or anything else.

I leaned against my shopping cart and turned page after silky, white, fairy-tale page.

After a while, though, I began to notice that none of the 6-foot-5-inch brides were smiling. Their bodies were contorted into completely unnatural poses that flaunted the curve of a hip, the firmness of a thigh and the suppleness of a low neckline. The flowers, and baubles, and table settings seemed stiff and lifeless. Something, lots of things, seemed off.

Second, a revelation.

About two-thirds through the 100-page magazine, there was an advertisement. It featured a photo of a wedding scene in which the bride and groom were kissing in a completely uncomfortable Hollywood fashion with lights twinkling in fine crystal wine glasses in the background and guests looking delightfully stunned by - if not a little jealous of - the perfection of the moment.

"Wow your guests!" it said in swirly lettering.

My breath caught in my chest, but not because I was sold by the add. On the contrary, I suddenly felt sad and a little angry at it all.

"Is that the point of my wedding? To 'wow' my guests?" I asked out loud.

No.

Don't get me wrong, dear friends and family, I am giddy with excitement to have you all join me and Justin on our big day (June 14!), but I have no intention of wowing you, not with my sexy dress or shiny baubles, anyway.

Since when has a wedding become merely an extravagant party that maxes out a credit card or two for the purpose of wowing people who should instead be awed by God's goodness in bringing two people together in that sweet, almost inexpressible bond called love?

Please, dear ones, be wowed not by the party we throw but by what it represents.

I will be wearing a handmade dress made just for me (Shelley, you're the best!). It will be lovely, and I will twirl in it. It will be white because I will be enjoying sex for the first time in my life the night after I wear it (blushing now).

I will be wearing the most beautiful piece of jewelry I've ever seen, and I'll be looking forward to seeing it every day on my finger for the rest of my life.

We will be surrounded by the people who have walked with us to this moment, and who will hopefully walk with us long, long after it as we learn all the ins and outs and ups and downs of married life. What a beautiful thing to celebrate! I cherish each person who will be at our wedding and hope Justin and I will strive to serve and love them throughout our lives.

There will be flowers - daisies - because they're the most happy flower and I like them. There will be old cameras because my man is a photographer and he likes old cameras. There are rumors of a game of Twister. These things represent nothing deep...just the fun and joyousness of the occasion.

Because a wedding should be fun and joyous. And serious beyond serious as two people pledge to become one in body, heart, faith, love.

Two become one. Wow.

I put the magazine back on the shelf. And I was glad I had looked through its fairy-tale white pages because in them I found that I'm not looking so much for a fairy tale as I am for a little help writing that first page of our story as Mr. and Mrs.

Third, a foreshadowing.

You should be prepared to be wowed by the dessert table.

~Hannah reporting in...